Party and BULLSHIT!!!!!!
As I sit here in TGI's eating my Club Sandwich and sipping on my peach tea, my mind ponders a lot of issues I am going through right now. Its hard to explain, but I will give it a shot.
I am feeling so many things right now. Sadness, loneliness, and relief. I am sad because not only do I believe I lost a lover, but also a good friend. I don't know how I did it or why it happened, but it did. Tony was more than just sex, he was a friend. He came to visit me in the hospital when I was there for a couple days. He had called me up to see what I was doing and I told him that I was in USNH. The time was 2130. He got on a train and came to stay with me till I got out. That was the nicest thing anyone has done for me since I have been here. I will miss that.
I am feeling lonely because Tony was who I mostly hung out with in the past couple months. I would go to Gaeta to go to the beach with him and Jody and then we would go to the club and jus have fun. The club and the beach I guess is what got between us. Not the places, just the people we met there.
I am feeling relief. I am relieved that I don't have to go through the jealousy nor the pain that I did with him. I am a jealous person you might say. I can stand a lot of things but its something about him kissing someone else that kind of put me over you might say. He always told me that I was 'boyfriend material' and everything and he even asked me if I wanted to go with him but it comes to find out that he was drunk when he asked me that and I must have been drunk for not realizing it. Its hard to put into words the pain I felt when he told me that. I guess my biggest mistake was falling for him so quick. Maybe it was the way he approached me, or the simple (but POWERFUL) words he said to me. I guess it was when we kissed in front of the coliseum in Rome that made me feel the way I did. I don't know. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I guess I will just add this one to my list.
The last time me and Tony went out was this past Thursday (July 1, 2004). He came down from Gaeta to Naples. I went to Aversa to pick him up. Before I did that, I went and bought groceries for my room, namely picking stuff that he liked, cuz I wanted his visit to go well. Well...I guess I was wishing too hard. From the time I picked him up till I dropped him off on Friday afternoon, I got nothing but straight up attitude from him. I don't know if he was having a bad day or what. But anyone that knows me knows that if you get an attitude with me, stand by to stand by. I can take it for a lil while, but not too long, especially if I have been drinking or anything. I thought when I cut my hair (NOTE TAUREAN'S BLOG ON HAIR CUTTING AND PROBLEM SOLVING) that my problems would settle down a little bit, but I guess my problems are all the way down to the roots.
As far as Tony is concerned, I am gonna "Let it Burn!!"
You learn from all of life's lessons, and this is no different. I will learn and live on to see what life has to throw at me next. Well..thats all I have to say for now. Until next time, Ciao!!
I am feeling so many things right now. Sadness, loneliness, and relief. I am sad because not only do I believe I lost a lover, but also a good friend. I don't know how I did it or why it happened, but it did. Tony was more than just sex, he was a friend. He came to visit me in the hospital when I was there for a couple days. He had called me up to see what I was doing and I told him that I was in USNH. The time was 2130. He got on a train and came to stay with me till I got out. That was the nicest thing anyone has done for me since I have been here. I will miss that.
I am feeling lonely because Tony was who I mostly hung out with in the past couple months. I would go to Gaeta to go to the beach with him and Jody and then we would go to the club and jus have fun. The club and the beach I guess is what got between us. Not the places, just the people we met there.
I am feeling relief. I am relieved that I don't have to go through the jealousy nor the pain that I did with him. I am a jealous person you might say. I can stand a lot of things but its something about him kissing someone else that kind of put me over you might say. He always told me that I was 'boyfriend material' and everything and he even asked me if I wanted to go with him but it comes to find out that he was drunk when he asked me that and I must have been drunk for not realizing it. Its hard to put into words the pain I felt when he told me that. I guess my biggest mistake was falling for him so quick. Maybe it was the way he approached me, or the simple (but POWERFUL) words he said to me. I guess it was when we kissed in front of the coliseum in Rome that made me feel the way I did. I don't know. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I guess I will just add this one to my list.
The last time me and Tony went out was this past Thursday (July 1, 2004). He came down from Gaeta to Naples. I went to Aversa to pick him up. Before I did that, I went and bought groceries for my room, namely picking stuff that he liked, cuz I wanted his visit to go well. Well...I guess I was wishing too hard. From the time I picked him up till I dropped him off on Friday afternoon, I got nothing but straight up attitude from him. I don't know if he was having a bad day or what. But anyone that knows me knows that if you get an attitude with me, stand by to stand by. I can take it for a lil while, but not too long, especially if I have been drinking or anything. I thought when I cut my hair (NOTE TAUREAN'S BLOG ON HAIR CUTTING AND PROBLEM SOLVING) that my problems would settle down a little bit, but I guess my problems are all the way down to the roots.
As far as Tony is concerned, I am gonna "Let it Burn!!"
You learn from all of life's lessons, and this is no different. I will learn and live on to see what life has to throw at me next. Well..thats all I have to say for now. Until next time, Ciao!!
